God is working in ME!

I will be 100% honest and confess that my walk with my Savior has been really dry. It's all my fault as I know He has never walked away from me. It had been a long time since I had opened my Bible just because I wanted to spend time with my LOVE. Things pile up and life gets complicated and everything under the sun distracts me from what is truly important. Dave and I started a "community group" (Bible study)with another couple from our church. It's geared towards young people (college age and young marrieds). The turn out has been incredible, upwards of 30+ people and around 18 kids playing in the basement with the supervision of two wonderful young students. This group is unlike anything we've been a part of. The realness is so amazing! People are spilling their guts all over the place every week. People are crying and sharing their souls and we're REALLY praying for each other. It's wonderful.

I am also involved in a Daniel Bible study by Beth Moore with a group of ladies. This started the same time as our other group. God is really moving in these two groups in my life. They are falling hand in hand. The Daniel study is challenging me to be consistent. I don't have to be perfect but I NEED to be consistent in trying to be. I have been more aware of the distractions in my life and the "Babylon" around me. I am seeing God in a new way.

Through these two groups I have come to some new revelations about myself and my God. I have realized that since I became a "Pastor's Wife" about a year and a half ago I have felt there is an expectation I must live up to. How can I lead and minister to others (especially the youth) if I am not "holy"? I have felt so fake. I have BEEN fake. I have been struggling on the inside, hurting and needing a renewed spirit. But How could I ask for help or let others know? I am a pastor's wife, for goodness sake! Well, it's over. The mask is off and the costume is in the garbage. I'm DONE! I told our group last night that I am tired of "looking" a certain way when my heart doesn't match. If ever I puked on anyone. . . it was last night. That's it. . .now there is no more fake Kami.

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