. . . a glimpse into my heart.

Liam's new reaction to things he doesn't like is screaming. He acts like he has zero self control. I know he's very young but still. . .he can control his screaming. It's tough cause I won't tolerate screaming and he always gets in trouble for it but since he's already out of control by the time he's screaming, disciplining him is impossibly. He starts to physically fight me when to touch him. I don't know where this came from and it's so out of character for my soft spoken Liam. As a mother it's easy to get discouraged and think that somehow it must be something you did wrong. But I keep telling myself that my almost 4 year old blondie is sinner. I also remind myself of the sweet moments and how 95% of the time he is so loving and helpful. Yet, I am called to train my children so I will continue to work with him on this "issue" we're having.

It's 1:21 AM on Sunday. Dave took Cleo, our kitty, to the emergency vet. She wasn't herself and had been heaving and spitting up foam most of the day. We were worried. . .He called and they thought it was very abnormal too and told him to bring her in. Dave took her even though they told us the starting fee would be $85. I am sitting here on the couch, watching a stupid romance movie on Netflix and stressing about my kitty but in all honesty I am WAY more stressed about the money we're spending on this appointment!! I have been praying that I will be glad we did it. Not that I want Cleo to be sick and have something seriously wrong but what if it was nothing and we just spent all this money on it in the middle of the night? Not to mention, poor Dave has to be up and at church in a few short hours. Ugh!!

On Tuesday we got news that our embassy date was set for February 2nd. We were really hoping for that date for numerous reasons. But honestly, I wasn't optimistic about it and very much prepared for getting the 16th instead. Once we knew we needed to be there on the 2nd we started pursuing travel arrangements. By Wednesday we had tickets booked and paid for. By Thursday we had our accommodations made. It felt good to know exactly when we would be leaving and know that everything was in order. Now, we have a long to-do list we're working on. Lot's of little things to get taken care of but little by little we're getting it done. It's exciting to start packing our bags which we can't do a ton yet. I think more then anything, the moment I meet my son is the thing that is occupying my thoughts! I can't stop thinking about how amazing it will be to touch him and hug him and look into his little brown eyes. I hope he knows our faces from our pictures.

My last blog entry was right before our adoption referral. I guess that explains why my adoption blog is frequently updated and this one got the back burner. :-) I will try to be better. Life's been a little over whelming this past week. Dave was sick, Gabriel was sick, I am not feeling myself with excessive fatigue and feeling depressed. I am not sure what it is. We got some news that our agency had dropped the ball in our adoption proccess and we have been delayed. It may only be an extra week or two but it wasn't news I wanted to hear. Since then I have been teary and sad a lot. I know this is in the Lord's hands but it's so hard to think about my son being in an orphanage with over 50 other children and waiting for me. Here I sit. I want to go now. But once again we wait on other people to get their jobs done and they aren't in the hurry we are in. So, the past 3 or so days I have not been 100%. I am trying to snap out of this but it's tough. I feel like we...