. . . a glimpse into my heart.

As my personal devotional time, I have been going through a Bible study called A Woman's High Calling , by Elizabeth George. God's really convicting me of a lot of things which is good but leaves me being VERY accountable to change these things. The following is from the chapter on Self Discipline. Self Discipline Imagine. . . impacting the lives of others though greater ministry. And that ministry in extended first and foremost to our own family (Titus 2:4-5) What a blessing we are as wives and mothers and home managers when we are self-controlled! You and I can truly provide a haven of rest for our family when we provide an atmosphere (and provide a wife and mom) that contains no screaming. No fits. No anger. No lashing out. No blow-ups. No stomping, slamming or emoting. How blessed are those who have for a wife or a mother a woman who is serious about answering God's high calling to be stead, calm, rational, and reasonable. Who is cool, calm and collected. Who has hersel...

The Lord is working on me. . . no doubt about it. I've been faced with a lot of lessons lately: gossip, prayer, patience, compassion, forgiveness . . . the list goes on. It's nice to be more intune to the Lord but honestly it's easier to ignore Him. That doesn't mean I can have an easy and great life without him. It just means that it's not always easy to seek and follow him. It always pays off though. I have a better attitude and see things and people more through his eyes then my own judgemental and human eyes. The most recent lesson he is teaching me is about self dicsipline. This is something God wants me to practice as a part of my high calling in HIM. It affects so many areas of my life: exercise, eating, my reaction to others, prayer, time in the Word, money. It's over whelming to see all the areas in my life where I need to be more dicsiplined. But I know with his help this is possible. So, little by little I will work on these things and maybe in a year...

Let's just say that running IS NOT a hobby and I DON'T enjoy it. However. . . I need exercise. I am so out of shape and tired all the time. I want something that will tone things up and make me feel better about myself. Dave started running last year to lose some weight and eventually ran a couple 5ks and then a half marathon and now he's training for a triathlon. I am so proud of him and also jealous. He actually enjoys running now and looks GREAT! I would like to set of a goal of completing my first 5k this summer although I am not sure which one yet. Dave found me 8 week training schedule which I am not even in good enough shape to START the stupid thing! It starts with a 1.5 mile run. I can't run a mile and a half without stopping. So, that's my goal to start with. I just need to work into it and get to where I can even start the schedule. So, what are my honest feelings about running? I WANT to love it but right now I just don't.

A friend of mine and I are going through similar stages in life: "Being a mom is tough work and every day is hard and wears you out and you don't have the energy to get the dishes, laundry and cleaning done." I've struggled a lot since Judah came home (not because of him but because I now have 3 kids). I go through days of depression, fatigue and low self esteem. Things have been better the past week and I think I can contribute it to the vitamin I am taking BUT whatever it is. . . it's good! The lesson I'm learning: A week or so ago I over heard my brother (a Chiropractor) talking to one of his patients. She asked why He's always so happy and full of energy He said, "Honestly, I have many days when I come into the office and I'm tired and grumpy. But I put on a smile and fake it. Before long I realize that I am not faking it anymore. I just became what I was faking." Then yesterday my friend reminded me of Beth Moore's "Fake it till...