. . . a glimpse into my heart.

"Quiet the soul and the soul will speak." - Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati Dave bought me a journal that had this quote on the front. It also had a lotus flower on it which he knows I love. The Lotus flower has deep meaning in many beliefs and religions. For me, it was a symbol of how beauty can grow in the most terrible places. The Lotus grows out of murky water and its surroundings can't change its beauty. I got a lotus tattoo on my shoulder with the phrase "Lux in tenebris" which means "light in darkness" in latin. That's what the lotus is. . .that's what I long to be. I long to be light in dark places. . . to bring joy to the lives of others. The quote on my journal makes me ponder how well I am able to quiet my mind. It's hard to stop and just rest. My mind runs non-stop. I went to a meditation gathering last week at the Yakima Yoga Collective and I struggled. I wanted to stop worrying and enter into a place of mental peace. For me, this was...

I grew up as a homeschooled kid. I didn't play any sports and I didn't take  any musical instrument  lessons. I didn't   spend much time with adults other than my parents so I was shy and nervous when interacting with adults. My confidence was always low. By the time I got to my high school years I had grown a lot, but still lived in the shadow of friends and older siblings. I had a hard time figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be. When I was 20 years old, living at home, and working at Wells Fargo something possessed me to do something completely out of the ordinary not only for ME but for any girl in my family. I decided to move to Cannon Brach, OR and go to a small little Bible school. Looking back, I don't remember being scared, nervous maybe, but not scared. I was excited to try something new and to meet new people. Moving to Oregon was the first real decision I felt I made on my own. It was huge. It was there that God brought Dave Oldenkamp into my life...