Complaint vs. Lament

A couple of years ago I was chatting with a dear friend about something that God had put on both our hearts.  Discussed how we felt like we had gotten somewhat colder and callused to things that used to bring tears to our eyes. Specifically, we were talking about past opportunities we'd gotten to go to other less fortunate places and serve in ways that changed us and broke our hearts for things that break God's heart. But at this point in our lives, being busy mothers and wives, we just felt disconnected from so many things we used to be passionate about. We discussed what it would look like for us to leave our families behind and take a trip out of the US to rediscover the things that once caused us heartache. I know, you might be says, "Why would you want to do that to yourself? Who wants to bring on heartache on purpose?" well, it's a much easier life to be cold and callused towards things that are so far away, in other countries and things we feel we couldn't change anyway. But that's not the life God wants us to live. He wants us to cry for those who cry and mourn with those who mourn. I need to have a bleeding heart. That is what He wants for me.

Well, time past and I am not sure where that desire took Kristin but Dave was fully supportive of me going on a week long trip to El Salvador to help the local missionaries with whatever they were doing. I was in contact with one of the missionaries down there for quite sometime. I asked questions about when to come and what work I could do while I was there. But then life changed, like it often does, and I couldn't make plans. We made the decision to leave our church in CO and started the search for a new job. Not knowing where we'd be living and knowing we'd be moving I just couldn't make plans to go anywhere. God put it on hold. . . Or maybe he just wanted to see if I would really pursue it. We ended up moving to WA and now, a year and a half after I would have gone to El Salvador, I discover something about myself that I hadn't specifically been paying attention to. Let me share how God showed me myself . . .

The past three days Dave and I have been at our districts Renewal retreat. What a better place to get renewed then in Cannon Beach and surrounded by others pastors and their wives and other church workers. Our speaker was a pastor from a Baptist church in Canada. He was also an author and therefore had a wonderful way with words that made you soak in every word. He spoke a lot on rest and taking a sabbath which was all wonderful but the last session was when my eyes were opened to myself. He talked about how we can become people who are dangerous to our enemy (Satan). Paul and Silas had cast a demon out of a little girl who had, up to that point, been a slave. They showed compassion to her in a way no one else had. Her "owners" had Paul and Silas thrown in prison saying that "these are the men who over turn the world!" While praising God from their prison stall, God sent an earthquake to break down the prison walls. The guard, assuming all prisoners had ran away, raised his sword to kill himself when they shouted, "Stop, we're all still here." Now, these men are showing compassion to their oppressor. But the crazy thing was that all the other prisoners were still there most likely wanting to see what these "men who over turn the world" were up to.  So. . . How do we become people who wreak havoc for our oppressor?

Our speaker spoke about our hearts being the key. He said, "Complaint is grievance over things not being the way I want them. Lament is grievance over things not being the way they should be." Complaining is self centered. Lamenting is what I was talking about earlier. . . It's having a broken heart for things that should be different. Like little girls in sexual slavery and people dying of aids in countries where health care is not available. These things are results of sin and it is not how this world was meant to be. It's easier to ignore them and shrug them off saying, "I couldn't help anyway." But God's heart breaks and he wants ours to as well.

Two years ago I felt callused but I felt the call to do something to allow my heart to bleed again. I didn't get a change to go anywhere but I look back and see how God has brought me to a place of much lamenting. I look at myself and can say, without pride, I am a lamenter.  This is something that happened over the past two years and like I said before, I paid little attention to this trait in myself and just now have realized that without having to "go" God has pricked my heart and it's been bleeding for a long time. I lament often over so many heartbreaking things. It's caused Dave and I to DO. We want to change these "things" and make them more of what they were meant to be. One small things we've done is to feed hungry kids in our town. Our heart is to bring the kingdom to earth as it is in heaven. There are no hungry kids in heaven. . . .so we feed the hungry.

It feels good (yet painful) to be a lamenter. I am thankful God's softened my heart and it's very much become a permanent part of who I am now. But going back to the difference between Lamenting and Complaining. . . I must be careful to not let my laments become complaints. For instance, I mourn over those in the church who are cold and callused. It breaks my heart to see Christians against the homeless and judgmental towards the parents of the hungry kids who maybe made a poor decision to get them into poverty. But my lament can easily turn into a complaint and frustration that does no good. So, I watch myself now and work hard to have a lamenting heart that chooses not to complain but instead be active to change the world for the better.