My Struggle. . .

In February of 2011 Dave and I went to a 3 day counseling intensive. It was life changing. I often go back to the notebook where Kathy took notes during our sessions. Her and her husband Keith are such wise people and brought things to our attention we wouldn't have seen otherwise.

Today I needed to go back and reread some things she said about me that really opened my eyes to the struggles I have in my life. These are struggles that have weighed on me since I was fairly young and I never understood. But Kathy spoke so clearly to my heart that day. 

I hate sin. But I understand those who don't know Christ as their savior don't have a reason to deal with sin and stop. On the flip side, I hate seeing my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ play with sin and live in it like it's not a big deal. I have frequently spoken truth into someones life and in return gotten called names and lost relationships. I always wondered if I should have just kept my mouth shut. But this is where Kathy came in. . .

She shared these verses with me:

John 3:19-21

And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil.  For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.  But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”

She said that regardless of life circumstances God invites me to partner with HIM in BEARING HIS LIGHT in dark places. But she reminded me that I am to only be a light-bearer and to allow God to bring the people I love out of the dark. I should not feel responsible for my words bringing people out of those dark places. I can only speak truth/shed His light and let God be their Deliverer. But in the mean time, she reminded me that I might lose friends and family. The verses above talk about people not wanting light shed on their dark sin. So, when I shine light on that sin they may very well get angry and hate me for it. This is the life God's called me to. I understand myself now. But it doesn't take away the pain that comes with all the rejection I have felt in my life. I have lost many I loved due to the truth he called me to speak. But Kathy confirmed for me that this is who He made me and that there will be times when people respond well and God delivers them out of those dark places. There will also be times when they reject the truth and me but someday come out of the dark without my ever knowing they did. 

This is my life. Painful at times. But I want nothing more then to be usable by my God.