A mother of 3 boys

I have to be honest in hopes that it will encourage you to pray for me. I now have a 5yo, 4yo and 2yo. I am over whelmed and had my first major break down today. I say "major" because I have actually had many breakdowns but this was the first with tears I just couldn't control. This is WAY harder then I thought it would be. Or maybe it's just that the "difficult things" I tried to prepare myself for aren't very tough at all. There are many things that I just wasn't prepared for and it's knocking me off my feet.

The boys are acting like brothers. Yes, this sounds like a good thing. The issue? That means they fight. . . there's screaming, scratching, pushing and biting involved. It's not all the time but I have to watch them so things don't get out of hand.

I have been so tired. I don't think it has anything to do with the jet lag anymore but more of just a physical issue I have struggled with since Gabriel was born 2 years ago. I am wiped! I got a little energy tonight and started to work on cleaning our disaster of a house when the next thing I know is that Gabriel sprayed the blue body wash all over the bathroom and was playing bubbles in the toilet. He was soaked! I just couldn't help but cry because it seems every time I get the energy to do anything the boys get into something new distracting me from actually getting anything done.

Yeah, it could be hormones. I have no clue. But I am not feeling at all capable of doing this. Dave's had the past few days off and I don't know how I will survive without his help. He goes to work in the morning and I am dreading the day. I don't want to feel this way about motherhood. I hope/know it will get better but I have no hope it will be soon.

I feel like a weak mother, a wife who forgets about what her husband needs, a maid who just cannot get the job done. I just am having a major pity party and need some prayer.

Comments

Kristin said…
Oh Kami,
I think it is so normal for you to be feeling overwhelmed. What you are undertaking is huge!!! Don't listen to the voices that say you can't do this. Remember #3: "I am who God says I am" and #4: "I can do all things through Christ."
Praying for you!
Anonymous said…
Kami ~ Please hang in there and know I am praying for you! I have BEEN THERE and still am at times. When Chandler was born I had an 8 year old, 6 and 4 and Chandler was (still) hard! We had ketchup all over the couch one day and at the same time the girls were trying to make something in the kitchen and it spilled all over the kitchen and Taylor was calling for me and it was at that moment I broke down, like REALLY down. I looked around and saw all the things I didn't get done from months on end and thought about my lack of energy and strength and felt like a huge failure. I don't know if this helps but I wanted to tell you to not give up! Sit and list out what is really important. What are your goals? (ie. godly children, feeling better,etc.) Pray over this list and then look hard at what you can do and CAN'T do. Somethings will have to wait for next year! Or the one after that! :) Get help if you can afford it. Even though we don't have much right now, I will still pay for help every once in awhile and it doesn't mean you failed!!!! We all have our strengths and weaknesses and our physical limitations and God has it that way on purpose! For He is strong when we are weak! So this is not all in your hands! I'm sorry I'm going on and on, I feel for you and still fight with this in my own life. Chandler has been so hard. I love him, like you love yours and God has used him to refine me in ways I would never have allowed if up to me. It's all about laying at the feet of Christ, broken and looking in His face for the strength for the day. This is not failure, it is right were He wants us. I am praying for you over here (in my messy house) and asking God to show Himself to you TODAY! Lam 3!!!!
Emily said…
I will be praying. I know it's tough with a bunch of little ones running around. Sometimes I have to remind myself that as long as the kids are fed and safe it's been a successful day whether I did the dishes or not.
Mike Wald said…
Oh Kami, praying for you!! I know motherhood is hard - I have 2 VERY strong willed children now that are into everything, and we're bringing home B hopefully in a few months. It's exhausting. It's great, but people just don't understand how exhausting it is. Especially with attachment, bonding, and getting into the routine of things with your newest little guy. I will be praying for you and your family! ~Jill

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