Ups & Downs
Christmas is over. It was fun anticipating it's arrival, the boys had a blast. . . and it's done. I feel like I am slipping into a post holiday sadness and I don't know how to fight it.
I've been doing the Beth Moore Study Jesus the One and Only and it's really been a huge blessing and encouragement to me with the current struggles I am dealing with. I like to think of myself as a VIP, which is what Beth Moore refers to as Victor in Progress. I am fighting Satan for a lot of things that he's trying to strip from me. I honestly think I am dealing with some oppression. He attacked me two years ago, trying to kill my self worth, my self esteem and empty me of all I had to offer through the gifts God's given me. He has come back for more but is coming from a different angle and it's tougher this time. I am thankful for God's faithfulness and that He's always with me otherwise, I'd be through. I came to a new reality that Satan is stronger and more powerful then I, but that Christ is MUCH more powerful then Satan and with the HOLY SPIRIT in me I CAN AND WILL defeat Satan. I just keep reminding myself, "Do not rely on your own strength, Kami. You CANNOT do this without Christ!"
I know, quite the depressing Blog so soon after Christmas. But this is my reality and more and more I am seeing that honesty and truth are important so that we don't fall into bounded sets where you don't just have to BE a good Christian but you have to LOOK like one too, which most of the time becomes the most important piece for "churched" people. As long as you "look" good you don't need to worry about the rest. Well right now, I don't look good. I struggle to love, to forgive, not to hate. I struggle to keep my thoughts in check. But God's grace is still in my life and I daily put my heart in His hands and ask that he help it heal.
So, with that I will close this depressing but OH so true blog and pray that honesty and truth become your reality today.
I will come back and post a much more happy, holiday blog soon to give you a glimpse of Christmas Eve/Day in our house.
I've been doing the Beth Moore Study Jesus the One and Only and it's really been a huge blessing and encouragement to me with the current struggles I am dealing with. I like to think of myself as a VIP, which is what Beth Moore refers to as Victor in Progress. I am fighting Satan for a lot of things that he's trying to strip from me. I honestly think I am dealing with some oppression. He attacked me two years ago, trying to kill my self worth, my self esteem and empty me of all I had to offer through the gifts God's given me. He has come back for more but is coming from a different angle and it's tougher this time. I am thankful for God's faithfulness and that He's always with me otherwise, I'd be through. I came to a new reality that Satan is stronger and more powerful then I, but that Christ is MUCH more powerful then Satan and with the HOLY SPIRIT in me I CAN AND WILL defeat Satan. I just keep reminding myself, "Do not rely on your own strength, Kami. You CANNOT do this without Christ!"
I know, quite the depressing Blog so soon after Christmas. But this is my reality and more and more I am seeing that honesty and truth are important so that we don't fall into bounded sets where you don't just have to BE a good Christian but you have to LOOK like one too, which most of the time becomes the most important piece for "churched" people. As long as you "look" good you don't need to worry about the rest. Well right now, I don't look good. I struggle to love, to forgive, not to hate. I struggle to keep my thoughts in check. But God's grace is still in my life and I daily put my heart in His hands and ask that he help it heal.
So, with that I will close this depressing but OH so true blog and pray that honesty and truth become your reality today.
I will come back and post a much more happy, holiday blog soon to give you a glimpse of Christmas Eve/Day in our house.
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