The Approaching School Year
August came so quickly and summer is coming to an end. All my friends in Grand Junction, CO posted "Back to School" pictures yesterday. It caused me to check the calendar and do the math: 22 days until school starts for my kids. This also means only 20 days until I head back to work.
For those of you who don't know, I became a Para Educator last year. It was an adjustment going into a full time job after only having had a couple small jobs since I became a mother 9 years ago. I had a great year and signed on for another.
I've had a little anxiety and very mixed emotions about the upcoming school year. There are multiple reasons why.
First, as a mother, I think about my kids. Judah and William are heading into 4th grade. Judah struggles with math and I fear that 4th grade will swallow him whole. Then there's William. . .he is so smart and has great comprehension but is a slow reader. . .and really doesn't enjoy it. Dave and I think about getting tutors and whatnot, all with our boys' well being in mind. I want to do what's best for them and give them the best chance I can. I worry about them.
Then there's me. I struggle with low confidence. I have all my life. I lived in the shadow of older siblings. Now, I have a job that I feel is very important. I teach children! I felt so under qualified for the job and I still do.
Another emotion that sometimes creeps in is Sadness. I am sad summer is almost over and question whether or not I did all the things I wanted to do. I am not anxious to go back to a routine and an alarm clock.
Fear is another one. It's not a strong one but it lurks. I got my schedule and realized that a good majority of my day is spent with 2nd graders who were all 1st graders last year. I didn't work with 1st grade at all which means I won't know these kids. It feels like starting from scratch.
Yet in all these emotions Dave is my constant. Somehow he knows how to confirm for me what God has been doing in my life and heart all along. A few days ago he told me that he felt this past year was my best year since we moved to Yakima, WA. That might sound weird. Here's a little background to help make that more clear. . .
I often struggle with sadness. I am not clinically depressed and I'm sure everyone deals with this on some level. Sometimes I just feel down and sad with no explanation. But often times I would feel very "bummed" because I couldn't keep a clean house, couldn't keep up with laundry, had no energy to do anything. I felt inadequate and that I wasn't the wife and mother I should be. I didn't feel like I was really contributing to the family.
This past year gave me a new purpose. I was now not only able to financially contribute to our family but I got to invest in the lives of other. Wait. . . I know some of you are very focused on your children and it's not uncommon to hear Christian women say that their "ministry" or "purpose" is their children. I am not going to speak to that, but I will say that my children are ultimately in God's hands. I am raising them to be God-Loving disciples but - they - are - not - my - world. . . Please don't stone me! I have always wanted to be part of Kingdom work in a larger way then just my three little guys. I want to show them how to live a life of love and service to the WORLD, not just to my children.
So, back to my "New Purpose." I taught kids last year, not just how to read but how to interact with other kids and teachers. I showed them love and acceptance. I got opportunities to listen to their hearts and try to encourage them. I was busier but somehow God helped me get the laundry done so my kids didn't have to go to school in dirty clothes, or worse yet, Naked! I had fewer "Sad" days. God breathed a fresh breath into me and it was a good year. And my three boys weren't neglected.
What Dave was getting at is that my working this past year was good for my heart and soul and overall attitude. It was! Dave enjoyed seeing this new joy and purpose spill out of me. We feel that a lack of a good education is often the root to hunger, human trafficking and other big issues our young people face. So, with a deep desire to change the world for the better what greater place to start then in Education. This job fits right into our passions and desires.
There are 22 days until I am back in the classroom with these little people made in God's image. I will pray myself out of the crazy emotions that creep in and I will be excited to head back into another good year in which I can love on kids and fellow Paras and teachers. Back into the trenches of service and blessing to others.
For those of you who don't know, I became a Para Educator last year. It was an adjustment going into a full time job after only having had a couple small jobs since I became a mother 9 years ago. I had a great year and signed on for another.
I've had a little anxiety and very mixed emotions about the upcoming school year. There are multiple reasons why.
First, as a mother, I think about my kids. Judah and William are heading into 4th grade. Judah struggles with math and I fear that 4th grade will swallow him whole. Then there's William. . .he is so smart and has great comprehension but is a slow reader. . .and really doesn't enjoy it. Dave and I think about getting tutors and whatnot, all with our boys' well being in mind. I want to do what's best for them and give them the best chance I can. I worry about them.
Then there's me. I struggle with low confidence. I have all my life. I lived in the shadow of older siblings. Now, I have a job that I feel is very important. I teach children! I felt so under qualified for the job and I still do.
Another emotion that sometimes creeps in is Sadness. I am sad summer is almost over and question whether or not I did all the things I wanted to do. I am not anxious to go back to a routine and an alarm clock.
Fear is another one. It's not a strong one but it lurks. I got my schedule and realized that a good majority of my day is spent with 2nd graders who were all 1st graders last year. I didn't work with 1st grade at all which means I won't know these kids. It feels like starting from scratch.
Yet in all these emotions Dave is my constant. Somehow he knows how to confirm for me what God has been doing in my life and heart all along. A few days ago he told me that he felt this past year was my best year since we moved to Yakima, WA. That might sound weird. Here's a little background to help make that more clear. . .
I often struggle with sadness. I am not clinically depressed and I'm sure everyone deals with this on some level. Sometimes I just feel down and sad with no explanation. But often times I would feel very "bummed" because I couldn't keep a clean house, couldn't keep up with laundry, had no energy to do anything. I felt inadequate and that I wasn't the wife and mother I should be. I didn't feel like I was really contributing to the family.
This past year gave me a new purpose. I was now not only able to financially contribute to our family but I got to invest in the lives of other. Wait. . . I know some of you are very focused on your children and it's not uncommon to hear Christian women say that their "ministry" or "purpose" is their children. I am not going to speak to that, but I will say that my children are ultimately in God's hands. I am raising them to be God-Loving disciples but - they - are - not - my - world. . . Please don't stone me! I have always wanted to be part of Kingdom work in a larger way then just my three little guys. I want to show them how to live a life of love and service to the WORLD, not just to my children.
So, back to my "New Purpose." I taught kids last year, not just how to read but how to interact with other kids and teachers. I showed them love and acceptance. I got opportunities to listen to their hearts and try to encourage them. I was busier but somehow God helped me get the laundry done so my kids didn't have to go to school in dirty clothes, or worse yet, Naked! I had fewer "Sad" days. God breathed a fresh breath into me and it was a good year. And my three boys weren't neglected.
What Dave was getting at is that my working this past year was good for my heart and soul and overall attitude. It was! Dave enjoyed seeing this new joy and purpose spill out of me. We feel that a lack of a good education is often the root to hunger, human trafficking and other big issues our young people face. So, with a deep desire to change the world for the better what greater place to start then in Education. This job fits right into our passions and desires.
There are 22 days until I am back in the classroom with these little people made in God's image. I will pray myself out of the crazy emotions that creep in and I will be excited to head back into another good year in which I can love on kids and fellow Paras and teachers. Back into the trenches of service and blessing to others.
Comments
I love my kids and they consume my life right now as they are so dependent on me. But I love that through them, I can befriend other moms in the same stage and minister to them and we can help eachother through this time. I also want to raise my kids to be examples to others of how to love and live life as Jesus did. I'm not completely sure how that looks, but we are figuring it out together. I'm glad you have found joy in your job. You and your kids are a great example to those children. Keep up the amazing Kingdom Work!