Wandering Heart


I was listening to a song a couple days ago that really hit me where I am right now. Sometimes it's hard to sum up my heart and put it into words but this song did it for me. 

Desert Soul

I love You Lord
But I want to love You more
I need You God 
But I want to need You more

I'm lost without
Your creative spark in me
I'm dead inside
Unless Your resurrection sings

I'm desperate for a desperate heart
I'm reaching out, I'm reaching

I know I love God and I know I need him unlike I need anything or anyone else. But I struggle. . . I struggle to find time to spend with him. My heart is pulled in so many directions. But I want him more then anything. . .so why? Why do I struggle? The words to this song make so much sense to my heart but still make no sense at all. Sigh. . . How can you want something so badly yet choose other things in your every day life? 
I live my life for Him. I do. I do good things. I serve others. I am caring and compassionate. I feed hungry children, I support a little girl in Haiti, I give money to free girls from the sex trade. But all this is just meaningless without Him. Paul said it well in Philippians  3 after listing all the things he thought he had done right :
" whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him,not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead." 

So, no matter what I do with my life, it means nothing if I don't have JESUS! My heart belongs to him and I amDesperate for a desperate heart ! 

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